Recognize Your Goodness
You must recognize your goodness in your desire to be good. This desire to become a better person comes from the fact that we are all pure goodness in our essential nature. Thus your journey of self-discovery will lead to sweeter and sweeter levels of being. But my guru used to tell me that the way to heaven is often through hell. It is difficult to fight our habituated negative life patterns. Feel assured that the struggle you are going through has been experienced by everyone who has tried for an authentic mystical life.